Roger

So many of you have heard the stories of Roger. Yes, yes. My 67 year old co-worker. A total Boston townie. He hates the Red Sox and loves the Yankees. If you ask him why he'll say, " 'Cause I got tired a loosin' my lunch money on the Red Sox." He's maybe 5' tall and has one hell of a "Milwakie Special" (beer belly...just in case you were wondering) gained through hard work and thousands of dollars. I've decided to begin a compilation of some of the great Roger quotes and stories. Be forewarned that they can be a little crass at times. I don't put the truly vulgar ones.

• "Did you ever ride a jack-ass? No? Hope on yourself."
• "She was lookin' homelier than a hedgehog."
• "They'd be all over that like a duck on a june-bug."
• "When you see your old man, give him a big back-hand. Tell him it's from Roger in Boston."
• "Single women try harder."
• "Three Rings of Marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."
• "So you wanna be a lawyer, 'eh kid? I could see dat, I could see dat. You'd be tits at that job ma' boy!"
• "Why do I like the Yankees? 'Cause I got tired a loosing my lunch money on the Red Sox."
• (If the Red Sox beat the Yankees) "You know what they call that ma' boy? Chumming the waters."
• (Speaking of Red Sox fans, from whom he generally wins 2k a year in bets) "How stupid are these people. It's like walking down the street and finding a dollar. How hard is that. I don't even have to bet that the yankees will win!"
• "You wanna bet? Huh? Huh?!"
• "You're like an empty pool table. Ya' got no balls."
• "You're a credit to this company ma' boy. Pretty soon your going straight to the top. What are the paying you now? Whatever it is, it sure as hell ain't enough. I'll tell ya dat."
• "I've done 47 years of a life sentance." (Roger has been at the company for 47 years)
• Soon to come: The story of the mother in law. My favorite.
• Also the audacious display of toenails.
• And the moment when I was shown a picture of Roger's girl.

And my favorite quote of all time:

"At my age there's not much left in life except for a good meal and a good shit."